Meet the New Boss

 Same as the old boss

Same as the old boss

In light of Sepp Blatter's resignation as FIFA President amid a massive corruption and bribery scandal that has ensnared many of his subordinates, several candidates have stepped forward as potential replacements.

Here's one candidate that, I hope, gets some traction. This guy, Bepp Slatter has some great ideas about how to reform FIFA:

  1. Cap bribes at £1 million - and interested parties must withdraw the money in a way that won't draw suspicion from the authorities
  2. Russia will not be allowed to keep the 2018 World Cup and Qatar will have to give up the 2022 tournament. Of course, Russia will be eligible to bid for the 2022 World Cup while Qatar is, obviously, welcome to go for the 2018 contest. Any campaigning they intend on doing to secure those bids is, obviously, up to them.
  3. No more sexist comments like how women soccer players should wear tighter shorts. Instead, I'll push for them to play in nighties and lingerie. After all, if I'm going to sleep through the Women's World Cup, then it's only fair that they be forced to play in their sleepwear.
  4. No more movies starring Tim Roth about how great FIFA is. My esteemed predecessor deserves to be played an actor of a similar stature: Yahoo Serious.
  5. Infrastructure reform.

Vote Slatter! Change you can take to the bank!

Victor Li

chicago, il