Four years ago, the COVID-19 pandemic officially began as the federal government declared a national emergency. I’ve been seeing a lot of remembrances on social media today, so I figured I’d add mine.
As things were shutting down and “shelter-in-place” was becoming part of our vernacular, my wife and I actually welcomed the news that we would be homebound for the foreseeable future. That’s because Bernie was dying of heart disease (we had almost lost him a couple of weeks earlier), so my wife and I saw the lockdown as an opportunity to give him round-the-clock care as well as be able to spend as much time with him as possible before he passed (which he did the following month).
Those early weeks of the shutdown were mainly devoted to him. I had an inclination as to how serious and scary the situation was regarding COVID. After all, the NCAA doesn’t just cancel a multi-billion dollar tournament unless it’s for a compelling reason. Plus, you knew shit was about to hit the fan when you couldn’t even buy toilet paper to properly deal with said waste.
But Bernie’s situation meant that, for better or worse, we put the blinders on and developed tunnel vision. We set alarms for 2 AM and 5 AM every day so we could give him his medication. We let him out every couple of hours to pee (his medication made him have to go). We bought a bunch of different types of food to help him with his medication (he developed a liking for Gerber’s baby food).
But mostly, we tried to just be there for him and with him. He had always been the center of our universe, but in those days, when he became completely dependent on us, he became like the baby we never had. Maybe that’s why his passing was so devastating and remains so, even after these last four years. How do you recover from losing your baby? You don’t.
So we tried to enjoy the little moments. Like in the above picture, when he curled up into a croissant and had a slight smile on his face. Or when he would sunbathe outside — one of his favorite pastimes. Or when we would walk him and he would try to stay out longer — almost like he didn’t want the walk to end or because he knew his time was limited so he wanted to experience as much as possible. Or how I was able to celebrate one last birthday with him. Or how I was able to spend one more moment on our backyard deck with him during what turned out to be his last day at home.
As such, I don’t think I really remember much about the early days of the pandemic and how uncertain and frightening things were. There would be plenty of time for that later (and even today).
Obviously, there’s no silver lining in losing millions of people thanks to a once-in-several-generations pandemic. But that was the hand we were dealt. And since those were our cards, then it was up to us to play them the best way we knew how. For us, that meant finally having the time and ability to be there for BB 24/7. And there was nowhere else we would have rather been.
There’s no evil introductions
No dark corridors of fame
You won’t find your fortune
You might find some painI wanna lie, lie together
Feels like our last embrace
In a world full of confusion
Yeah the human raceBut I’d rather be here than be anywhere
Is there anywhere better than here?
You know these feelings I found, they are oh so rare
Is there anywhere better than here?Sometimes life seems to tear us apart
I don’t wanna let you go
Sometimes these feelings hit me, I start to cry
‘Cause I won’t ever let you goOh my my my my we’re multiplying
Always living under some cloud
Always on the eve of destruction
Make you wanna scream out loud
And as I watched the birds soar
Mighty lies and wishes spun
Oh mama mama why I’m still crying
Oh now the day is come‘Cause I’d rather be here than be anywhere
Is there anywhere better than here?
You know these feelings I found, they are oh so rare
Is there anywhere better than here?Sometimes life seems to tear us apart
The Verve, “Rather Be”
I don’t wanna let you go
Sometimes these feelings hit me, I start to cry
‘Cause I won’t ever let you go
