Looks Like Fulham Really Didn’t Want To Go To Wembley.

For 70-plus minutes, Manchester United got outplayed at home by Fulham and it looked like their FA Cup dreams were about to go up in smoke.

Nothing was going right — Marcus Rashford, Jadon Sancho and Wout Weghorst were anonymous; Bruno Fernandes had another one of those games where he gesticulated and screamed at his teammates so much that there would inevitably be more articles written about whether he was captaincy material; and Casemiro’s and Christian Eriksen’s absences meant United had to try and dictate play through their center-halves, which would be fine except Harry Maguire’s passing was so slow and predictable that he drew audible groans from the fans. Fulham went up 1-0 after Aleksandar Mitrović scored off a corner kick and could have had two more if not for David de Gea doing his thing.

But then Fulham, evidently, got tired of all of the winning and decided to implode worse than Greg Norman at the Masters. Maybe they’re busy during the weekend of the FA Cup Semifinals and didn’t want to have to reschedule their plans?

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Casemiro Is A Red (Card Magnet)

When teams are at or near the top of the table, they rarely talk about a draw as a point earned. Especially if they’re playing at home against a team that entered the weekend in last place.

But Manchester United’s 0-0 draw Sunday with Southampton definitely fit that description. That’s what happens when you play for more than an hour with 10 men, thanks to a Casemiro red card.

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Reality Check

Given the gigantic leap forward Manchester United has made this year, it’s easy to forget that they’re still, very much, a work in progress. Despite the clear success of winning the League Cup, knocking Barcelona out of the Europa League, progressing to the quarterfinals of the F.A. Cup and sitting in third place in the Premier League, Manchester United were always at least one or two years away from truly contending for multiple trophies and going toe-to-toe with the best clubs in the world.

United got a pretty painful wakeup call on Sunday, getting annihilated at Anfield by a score of 7-0.

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The Start of Great Things (Hopefully).

On Sunday, February 26, 2017, Manchester United won the League Cup at Wembley Stadium under first-year manager Jose Mourinho. Despite being second-best for much of the match, United prevailed thanks to goals from Man of the Match Zlatan Ibrahimovic, the serial winner they signed during the previous summer, and academy product Jesse Lingard, as well as some timely saves from all-world keeper David de Gea.

Exactly six years later, United ended their long trophy drought in an eerily similar fashion. United, under first-year manager Erik ten Hag, were second-best for much of Sunday’s 2-0 victory over Newcastle United. However, they managed to prevail thanks to goals from Man of the Match Casemiro, the serial winner they signed during the previous summer, and academy product Marcus Rashford, as well as some timely saves from all-world keeper David de Gea.

Let’s hope the parallels end there.

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A Penny (Or €85 Million) for Frenkie de Jong’s Thoughts

So, let’s recap:

One of the main reasons Frenkie de Jong reportedly turned down an €85 million move to Manchester United over the summer was because he didn’t want to play in the Europa League.

Sure, there were other reasons. Barcelona were his “dream club” and he and his girlfriend were happy living there. He’s owed some £17 million in deferred wages and the club wanted him to forfeit all or part of it in the event of a transfer. United looked like a total mess in the summer and there was no guarantee Erik ten Hag, his former manager at Ajax, would be able to make the transition from the Eredivisie to the Premier League.

Those were all compelling reasons. But the main one seemed to be the Europa League thing. De Jong wanted to play in the Champions League and going to United would be a step down for him (Cristiano Ronaldo, basically, felt the same way). Despite the fact that Barcelona ended last season in the Europa League, de Jong felt he was too good for UEFA’s second-tier competition and wanted to avoid it all costs.

Well, he got his wish. De Jong finally made his debut at Old Trafford yesterday, as United dumped Barcelona out of the Europa League, winning 2-1 to take the tie 4-3 on aggregate. United were comprehensively better than Barcelona over the course of both legs and probably should have won by three or four.

In doing so, they gave de Jong plenty of questions to ask himself. For instance:

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Arise, Sir Marcus

In January, it was reported that Erik ten Hag had imposed a strict wage cap at the club, decreeing that, from now on, no one would earn more than £200,000-a-week.

Under Ed Woodward, the club routinely broke the bank (and their wage structure) to sign big name stars like Cristiano Ronaldo, Paul Pogba, Edinson Cavani, Alexis Sanchez and many others. According to The Daily Mail, which broke the story, ten Hag’s wage cap is supposed to foster better relationships among teammates and end the long-festering culture of distrust and jealousy in the dressing room.

There’s plenty of room for skepticism, though. For one thing, ten Hag has not commented on the truth or veracity of this report.

For another, it doesn’t really add up. The Daily Mail claims that the highest wage earners at the club, other than David de Gea, are already in the £180,000-£200,000 per week range. That doesn’t jive with what’s been reported about Raphael Varane’s, Casemiro’s or Jadon Sancho’s wages, which are all reportedly at or above £300,000 per week (to say nothing of Anthony Martial, who reportedly takes home £250,000 a week).

It also effectively prices United out of getting big named players like Victor Osimhen, Frenkie de Jong, Jude Bellingham or Kylian Mbappe. None of those guys are coming to Old Trafford without a big contract in place.

Most importantly, it would mean that United would have to let Marcus Rashford walk in 2024 — possibly to Paris, Barcelona or Madrid.

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(Legal) Career Killers: Chuck Berry and the Mann Act

Welcome to (Legal) Career Killers — a series that looks at how the law, lawyers or lawsuits killed a band’s or artist’s careers. In other words: They fought the law and the law won.

When Chuck Berry passed away in 2017 at the age of 90, plenty of commentators, musicians and critics dubbed him the “Father of Rock & Roll.”

After all, if anyone helped form what we now know as rock & roll, it was Berry. There were better guitarists, but Berry’s flamboyant playing style and flair for creating simple yet infinitely catchy and memorable riffs established a template for countless musicians to follow, including arguably the two greatest and most influential rock bands of all time: The Beatles and The Rolling Stones.

He was a talented songwriter who created some of the best and most popular songs of all time — songs that still hold up to this day, like “Maybellene,” “Roll Over Beethoven,” “Rock and Roll Music” and “Johnny B. Goode,” among many others.

Perhaps most importantly, his appeal to audiences of all ages and races (especially as a Black man whose career peaked in the 50s) represented the ultimate ideal of rock and roll as a utopian, unifying force that transcended color and class.

And of course, his offstage debauchery and repeated run-ins with the law made him a trailblazing rock star in other ways. Berry was arrested multiple times on charges ranging from assault to tax evasion to drug possession to child abuse. He was also sued by multiple women for allegedly videotaping them using the restroom in his restaurant without their knowledge. And years before R. Kelly was accused of recording himself urinating on young girls, Berry starred in homemade porn tapes involving Golden Showers and Cleveland Steamers (look it up, but not if you’re in a public place).

But there was one arrest in December 1959 that was so controversial and generated so much outrage that it, effectively, killed his career. It also set him on the path towards establishing another rock cliché: the aging, over-the-hill star who makes a living by becoming a fixture of the oldies circuit.

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The Return of Shawberto Carlos

Shawlo Maldini? Shawnis Irwin? Shawtrice Evra? Shawley Cole? Actually scratch that last one. No self-respecting Manchester United fan would accept that nickname.

There have been several moments over the past decade where a more apt nickname for Luke Shaw would have been Shawlexander Buttner or Shawron Borthwick-Jackson. And like those namesakes, there have been times where it looked like Shaw was going to follow them to the exits.

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(Legal) Career Killers: George Michael v. Sony

Welcome to (Legal) Career Killers — a series that looks at how the law, lawyers or lawsuits killed a band’s or artist’s careers. In other words: They fought the law and the law won.

When the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame announced this week that George Michael had been named as a finalist for the 2023 class, my reaction was: “Wait, he hasn’t been inducted yet? What gives?”

After all, when I was growing up, he was one of the biggest pop stars in the world. He was also a highly respected artist who was a fantastic singer, a charismatic performer and an excellent songwriter. The Hall was built for people like him.

But then I remembered: He wasn’t a big star for very long. In fact, he disappeared at the height of his career, and when he came back, he seemed well past his prime. It all started with his decision to sue his record label.

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Solving a Pressing Need

Thanks to a vicious Andy Carroll tackle during Manchester United’s 3-1 victory over Reading in the FA Cup last Saturday that, somehow, escaped a booking (although the Liverpool flop and Boyzone fanatic did pick up two yellows later), Christian Eriksen will be out for most of the rest of the season.

Surely, United are screwed, right? Eriksen has been one of the club’s standout performers this year and his creativity and guile have been instrumental in the team’s uptick in form. Without him, our dreams of winning silverware are shot, right?

Maybe. But at least United were able to put a contingency plan in place.

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Friends, Romans, Countrymen, Lend Me Your Players

Typically, teams preparing to be sold try to keep their expenses and liabilities low so they can attract as many bidders as possible. This also makes sense from a sporting perspective. Why should a team spend big now, knowing the next owner might have different priorities or plans?

As such, we shouldn’t be surprised that Manchester United have decided to pursue loan deals instead of permanent moves in the just-opened January transfer window.

That’s not necessarily a bad thing, though.

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(Legal) Career Killers: Geffen Records v. Don Henley

Welcome to (Legal) Career Killers — a series that looks at how the law, lawyers or lawsuits killed a band’s or artist’s careers. In other words: They fought the law and the law won.

Nothing can kill an artist’s career quite like a lawsuit.

After all, litigation not only taxes a party’s resources while putting them under an undue amount of mental and physical stress, it can also take time. Lots and lots of time.

And if an artist or band tries to take on their record label, time can be a real killer. After all, most labels simply put an artist on ice once the lawsuit is filed, essentially freezing their careers by refusing to release their recordings or promote them. Since most contracts have an exclusivity clause, artists often have limited-to-nonexistent options when it comes to recording on other labels or guesting on other people’s songs.

Simply put, for many musicians, time is a luxury they don’t have. All acts have a shelf life, and as Clive Davis once pointed out, if they aren’t in the public eye, they risk being forgotten about.

As such, artists end up losing years of their career that they’ll most likely never get back. For instance, George Michael was one of the biggest stars in the world when he sued Sony to try and get out of his record deal. The lawsuit dragged on for nearly two years and Michael’s career never quite recovered. Same for Prince when he challenged Warner Bros.

Same for Don Henley when he took on Geffen Records. Luckily, he had other things to fall back on…

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Welcome Betinho!

Manchester United restarted its Premier League campaign with a stirring 3-0 victory over hapless Nottingham Forest. There were plenty of talking points before and after the match, most notably:

  • Marcus Rashford’s continued run of great form and the re-emergence of his once-dangerous partnership with Anthony Martial. Rashford scored the first goal and assisted Martial on the second, giving hope that they can make up for United’s lack of an established, proven center forward.
  • Raphael Varane bravely and selflessly volunteering to play after illness sidelined the club’s only two available senior center halves, Victor Lindelof and Harry Maguire. Despite being excused from the match due to his country’s run to the World Cup Final, Varane felt his team needed him and stepped up.
  • Luke Shaw volunteering to play center back to help ease said defensive selection crisis. Like Varane, Shaw played well and gave his manager something to think about moving forward.
  • Casemiro’s ongoing brilliance. The Tank dominated in his usual role after filling in at center half against Burnley in the League Cup the previous week. He also showed off his playmaking skills, turning two defensive stands into quick counter-attacks that resulted in goals. He even got a slick assist on Fred’s goal late in the match that sealed the three points.
  • Jesse Lingard’s first match at Old Trafford since leaving in the summer for Nottingham Forest. Say what you will about JLingz and the way he left, but Lingardinho scored some big goals for his boyhood club and always gave his all on the pitch. After leaving early in the second half with an injury, Lingard finally got the warm send-off he had been denied the previous spring, as Old Trafford gave him a nice ovation thanking him for everything he had done.

But the one that got the most attention was the sudden addition of a forward named “Betinho” to the club’s active roster. Was it a purported clerical error, as the club later claimed? Or did someone jump the gun before a transfer became official?

And who was this mystery man, anyway? Was it the Portuguese forward currently playing for S.C. Espinho who made one appearance with Brentford in 2014? Was it a heretofore unknown nickname for Atletico Madrid’s misfit playmaker Joao Felix? Was it a new, tongue-in-cheek identity for in-form Brentford striker Ivan Toney, who could face a long ban for allegations relating to betting on Premier League matches?

Or was it this man?

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(Legal) Career Killers: Michelle Branch and her Warner Bros. Contract

Welcome to (Legal) Career Killers — a series that looks at how the law, lawyers or lawsuits killed a band’s or artist’s careers. In other words: They fought the law and the law won.

When Michelle Branch was arrested in August for assaulting her husband, Patrick Carney of the Black Keys, it raised so many questions:

“Wait, she married the drummer from the Black Keys? When did that happen?”

“And he allegedly cheated on her? One of the hottest and biggest stars of the early 00s and someone who’s music is still widely beloved by people of a certain age?”

“Speaking of which, what happened to her anyway? Where did she go for 15 years?”

Well, the answers are yes (they got together shortly after Carney produced Branch’s 2017 comeback album, Hopeless Romantic), that’s what she said on Twitter (although she later deleted her Tweet and suspended divorce proceedings), and it’s complicated.

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