Browsing Tag

rhyme time

Not-So-Wonderful Tonight: A Review of Eric Clapton’s COVID Singles

It’s not easy being an Eric Clapton fan these days. Yeah, we’ve overlooked a lot over the years. The racist comments about immigrants. The many personal failings. Most of his 80s output. His techno album (yeah, that really happened).

But his reinvention as a COVID-19 anti-vaxxer and anti-mitigation protestor has been too much for a lot of his fans (myself included). In fact, it seems to have completely consumed him to the point where it’s become difficult to separate the political advocate from the artist.


9th Circuit Strikes Copyright Suit Against Madonna

Harry Potter, Hawaii Five-0
Alito teased Biden, Joe.
John Fogerty, CCR,
That suit went very far.
Robert Plant, Jimmy Page
Sued over “Stairway,” despite its age.
Robin Thicke and “Blurred Lines.”
Did Harrison copy “He’s So Fine?”
They had lawyers, they had fight
Accused of violating copyright.
Matrix, Seinfeld, New Girl too.
Don’t forget the 2 Live Crew.
Plaintiffs filing lots of suits,
Defendants argue they are moot
Don’t just stand there, let’s get to it
Strike a pose, there’s nothing to it,

Yeah. That lede got rejected. Oh well. I thought it was clever.

Madonna prevails in plagiarism lawsuit.

The Ballad of Clever Tom

(Sung to the tune of “The Ballad of Jed Clampett“)

Come and listen to a story about a man named Tom,
Clever midfielder, thought he was the bomb.
Then one day he was lighting up the grounds,
And Sir Alex came a calling – he was Manchester bound.
(United that is. 20 league titles. 3 European crowns)

Well next thing you know, he’s creating lots of goals,
Starting for United, he’s the next Paul Scholes.
Bossed Arsene’s boys – clinched the Shield at Wembley,
The sky was the limit for that lad Cleverley!
(Tom that is. TC23! Future England superstar!)

But then Clever Tom had some really bad years,
No more forward passes, always stuck in second gear.
Said it wasn’t his fault; sent to Villa on loan,
Now Goodison Park is his brand new home.
(Best of luck at Everton, Tom. But please don’t come back now, ya hear?)

Slate Will Either Love or Hate This…

Part of Slate’s application was to write a critique of Daniel Smith’s Why I Hate Eric Carle’s “The Very Hungry Caterpillar.” I decided to have some fun with it. Not sure if this will help me get the job, but it should make me stand out, right?

“The Very Hungry Caterpillar” is iconic.

But Daniel B. Smith thinks it’s moronic.

The pictures are nice, but the text is bland,

How it has sold 29 million copies, Smith doesn’t understand.

The text is hackneyed and the plot is formulaic,

Smith considers this book to be boring and prosaic.

Eric Carle is the man who’s caused all this pain,

His inane prose has nearly driven Smith insane.

You see, all of Carle’s books are written the same,

You have insects eating things or bears playing a game.

With different species of bears, he has Mother Nature to thank,

Carle can write a new series and laugh all the way to the bank.

Smith says children’s books are supposed to teach,

And it’s not just children that they’re supposed to reach.

Children’s books are for parents, too,

After hundreds of readings, he’s ready to sue.

For emotional distress and the tort of assault,

Cause after reading this drivel, the author’s at fault.

Smith craves metaphors and symbols that Carle’s books lack,

Especially when compared to the works of one, Maurice Sendak.

His books have political symbolism and historical context,

And keep children and parents enthralled from one page to the next.

Of course, if it’s complicated subtext he wants and not banal gobbledygook,

It’s surprising he doesn’t consider “The Butter Battle Book.”

Dr. Seuss’ Cold War tome has everything Smith could hope for,

There’s complexity, moral ambiguity, and even the threat of blood and gore.

With rhymes that challenge any cynical, analytical, tough-tufted mind,

Kids will love it for the pictures and story, and leave “Caterpillar” behind.

But ultimately, this article is notable, not for what he leaves out,

Rather, it’s conventional wisdom that he looks to flout.

While parents will likely appreciate Smith’s rant,

Stop reading this book, they most likely can’t.

After all, bedtime reading is where the kids are strong,

And 29 million kids can’t be wrong.